An Idiot Abroad: The Bat Out of Hell

Location: Chengdu, China

Type of Idiocy: Ignorance, One track mentality, Powers of observation of a drunk panda

Consequences: Angry dorm mates, Heightened potential of unfortunate future confrontations, Addition to the as of yet unwritten “Do not House” list.

Description: Staying in a four bed dorm room with only three filled beds, Arienne and I decided to head to bed at the ripe old hour of 11pm. Sometime shortly before midnight, the door thunders open and our dorm mate storms into the room like a bat out hell. Whoosh! On goes every single light in the room. Clack clack clack! Her high-heels smack their way into the bathroom. A moment or two later, clack clack clack… slam! Our dorm mate has announced her exit from the room with a healthy slam of the door leaving on every single light in the room… including the bathroom light! Arienne, incredulously from the bunk above: “Really? Did she really just come in, turn on all the lights and then leave?” “Yup,” I mutter, as I get up and go to put out the luminous blaze left by the bat out of hell.

One hour later, the door thunders open and our dorm mate storms into the room like a bat out of hell. Whoosh! On goes every single light in the room. Clack clack clack! The bat out of hell smacks into the bathroom.  This time, I’ve found a switchboard behind my bed that controls the lights in the room. I turn all of the lights off and lie back down. Noticing that her glorious inferno has been dimmed, the bat out of hell steps out of the bathroom. Whoosh! She turns on all the lights again. From my bed, I turn off all the lights. Whoosh! On they go again. I turn them all off, and then only turn on the one in the doorway. Now she’s starting to get it.

Or is she? Clack clack clack clack! She comes over to her bed and turns on her bed light, and goes back into the bathroom. Apparently no one can extinguish the eternal flame of the bat out of hell.

Moral of the story: (sigh)… What do you do? Yell at someone in a language they don’t understand? (She was Chinese.) All we can do is write about what is perhaps only a single occurrence of pure idiocy, and hope that the perpetrator understands this important message: There is only one good “Bat Out of Hell”, and that was released by Meat Loaf in 1977. Either understand that, or read our tips on how to be a good dorm mate.